Send it to the glue factory.
Sometimes we wonder how many little girls open up their birthday presents and find a horse themed video game in lieu of an actual equine. Based on the sheer number of horse games in the past couple years it seems like it'd be the country's leading cause of disappointed little girls. My Horse and Me for PC is just another game in the line of equine let-downs.
Instead of the American heartland farm setting of many horse games, My Horse and Me puts the player in the role of a professional show jumper. Players compete in events in scenic New England (or maybe European) areas.
The events are pretty basic, but are very similar to what we've seen in show jumping competitions that occasionally play weekdays in the mid afternoons on ESPN. There are a number of jumps that need to be cleared in a certain order, and players are ranked based on their time, with penalties given for mistakes.
The basic design of My Horse and Me isn't bad. The idea of competing in show jumping competitions has its appeal, and the courses are pretty well designed, but get pretty repetitive.
Despite the easier controls, the game is still fairly difficult overall. The horse just seems slower in this version. The competitions are easier to compete, but it's still hard to get gold on the later levels.
Doing well in the competitions earns the player new clothing and gear, and stuff for the horse. Some of the cooler items require gold medals in the harder events. Really though none of the items seem cool enough to really motivate going back and mastering certain events. All the times we attempted this ended up in disappointment since the clothing and gear are never as cool as they sound.
The other major aspect of My Horse and Me is taking care of and customizing our horse. In the Nintendo DS version this was done through a series of touch screen minigames, but for the PC, it's done through practically nothing. There is an option to groom the horse, but nothing tells us how that is done. There's a hard brush, a soft brush, and a sponge, but where and how do we apply this to the horse?
Worse yet, the horse doesn't even respond. We scrubbed our horse, Wildfyre, on his face with the hardbrush, and sprayed the hose all up on its underside, and our stallion stood like a mannequin. It's fine that the developers focused more on the riding aspect of the title than taking care of the horse like other games do, but they then should not have tried to market it as both. You don't take care of a horse, or share any emotional moment with it, despite the loving embrace of girl and mare on the cover.
The people within the game are barely more lifelike than the horses. The character models are decent enough, but have few animations and only one facial expression. The spectators in each course are so few that it makes the game accidentally funny when the announcer talks about the great turnout. Of course, maybe six people is a good turnout for a show jumping event.
The announcer is always really excited, but only at the beginning of each event. He doesn't comment on the results. The game barely recognizes if we somehow managed to do well. There's no fanfare when we win a big competition.
There's a share-the-pain, er, multiplayer option for the game that has players take turns competing in the events. It's a slow experience since everyone has to wait for the other player to finish, and there's no excitement involved.
Closing Comments
My Horse and Me is almost a passable horse game that adolescent girls (and hey, maybe guys) could enjoy. But as it is, the game is repetitive and just kind of boring. It barely even acknowledges we're playing, so there's no encouragement to put up with its poor design and ugly visuals. If parent's get this for their kid, they better not expect to quell demands for a real horse for long.
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