Let's hope this also ends the battle for Earth.
It's our job to review games but it doesn't always feel like a job. We love games. But titles like Maelstrom make it feel like a job. Like a crappy job. Like I'd rather be scrubbing toilets or cleaning bedpans or something. Maelstrom isn't the worst game I've played in my seven years at IGN, but it's one of the lamest. Whether it's the shoddy pathfinding or horrific voice-work, ill-planned action mode, or the insanely boring campaign, it doesn't really matter, you'll hate this game as much as I do.
Maelstrom finds the Earth ravaged by an apocalyptic flooding leaving most of the Earth underwater. What's left is scraps being fought over by the powerful Ascension corporation and scrappy Remnants who are mainly comprised of ex-military from the world's former governments. As you might expect, since most RTSs since StarCraft feel like they need at least three factions, a third alien faction falls to Earth and starts their own brand of trouble. Unfortunately, none of that trouble results in fun at any point during the game thanks to horrific controls and terrifyingly boring mission design.
Want to mass up as big an army as possible of semi-brain dead units and send it across the map while not giving a crap if you give the tactics a passing thought because there's no way in hell you won't succeed against woeful enemy AI? Maelstrom's got that.
If you need any other reasons to stay away, pathfinding is a good one. I'm going to guess that you're tired of the ridiculous pathfinding issues from the RTS games from early '00s. Prepare to have nightmarish flashbacks. Getting units to do anything properly is a chore and it's pretty clear that it's no fun when AI fights you every step of the way. I probably haven't seen pathfinding AI this bad since Real War came out in 2001. It's hard not laugh and cry at the same time when you see some of the in-game custcenes where the pathfinding AI can't get around itself.
Malestrom is a vortex of discarded dreams and hopeless imagination. While there are ideas having to do with terraforming and use of water that are intriguing at first, actually getting them to work efficiently or even properly is confounding. Considering the relative ease of terraforming in KD's last game Perimeter, this total lack of control or precision is kind of shocking. They're "innovative" use of the direct-control over heroes is more laughable than useable. While their shot range increases dramatically in third person, which makes taking down enemy units easier, there's nothing fun to mention. Heroes somehow manage to be both ponderous and twitchy at the same time while and having some of the lamest special abilities in the hero world to date.
What's even worse is that what is there for the engine hasn't been used to any great effect in the art style or animation. The art is basically non-style. It's that dumb mix between cartoony and realistic that never reaches greatness no matter how you look at it. Unit and weapon visual design is about as outrageously boring as the campaign missions. Yeah, some of the units transform into other units, but who cares when neither of those units looks particularly cool. Take the transforming mechs in particular. Watching them lumber around the field (when they're not bumping into each other) demonstrates what a sad state of affairs this game is really in. If you're going to put mechs in your game, they had better be animated cool enough to look powerful. Shake the ground when they walk. Settle for firing a powerful weapon. Kick up dust. Squash soldiers under their feet. Crash to the ground dramatically. Do something cool with them instead of a half-assed walk mixed with pew-pew lasers.
The pew-pew lasers aren't the only sad issue with the sound either. Just about every other battle sound shouts small budget. Units don't sound impressive when they move, don't have cool engine noises, weapons noises, or anything. Even worse are the voice-overs which have to be some of the worst in recent memory. It's not a good sign when you need to turn off the sound to stop ear bleeding. I should probably sue for physical and emotional damage after having to play Maelstrom for so many hours.
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